My Love, Plain or Toasted
by Once In A Blue Mood
Summary: Tad Strange's love for bread goes beyond the desire to eat.


Tad Strange lives a normal life. He lives in a normal house, with a normal job. But the one thing not normal in his life was bread. There are millions of variations of bread. Whether white or whole wheat, plain or toasted, cut into rectangles or triangles, the same piece of bread can never be replicated.

At the end of a long day, there's nothing Tad loves more than coming home to the beautiful smell of his bread in the kitchen, always ready to ease his sorrows. "I love you," Tad confesses to the bread, butterflies in his stomach. She doesn't answer. She never answers. But Tad can feel her response as strongly as he feels his heart beating in his chest. They make out. It was the best kiss Tad had ever gotten.

A few weeks later, Tad has a particularly bad day at work. He rushes home to the comfort of a turkey sandwich, provided by his lovely bread. He makes the sandwich with love and care, and prepares to take a bite of it. He hesitates, deciding to kiss his lovely girlfriend instead. She doesn't kiss back.

Tad gasps, feeling his face flush with fear. "W-what is wrong my dear?" She doesn't answer. She never answers. Tad places the sandwich on the table, feeling tears creeping out of his eyes but refusing to let them fall. Her response is clear. He isn't good enough.

Tad rushes out of his house, no longer able to hold the tears back. He wonders into town, trying to take his mind off of their fight. He notices a store down the street, big letters above the door spelling out "BAKERY". Tad casually walks in, wondering what he'll find. To his shock, he finds loaves and loaves of bread! Italian and sourdough and multi-grain and banana, more flavors and shapes and sizes than he could ever imagine! He blushes, thinking of his love at home, but he steels his nerves. _"If she thinks I'm not good enough for her, I'll prove she's not good enough for me!"_ he thinks to himself.

He looks around and finds a baguette! A beautiful French woman, to rub in her face! With a polite smile, he politely requests to buy the baguette from the bakery owner (in a polite manner, of course - manners are important!). He strolls through town with his new woman, before heading back home as it starts to get dark. Not wanting to seem eager, he leaves the baguette in front of his bread, then goes to sleep.

A few days pass, and the bread shows no signs of apologizing. Tad comes home from another day of work, and finds himself fed up with everything that happened. In a fit of rage, he rips a piece off of the baguette, and shoves it in his mouth. He then proceeds to spit it back out. The baguette had gone stale! After just a few days! Meanwhile, the bread, safe in her plastic bag, was perfectly fine. He throws out the baguette, and he cries.

"Bread," he says through his tears, "you were right. I don't deserve you. Is there any way you could forgive me?" He tries to kiss her again, and she accepts.

After the struggle they went through, they get engaged. Another week passes, showing them standing at the altar, Tad in a tuxedo, and the bread with a pure white veil over her plastic. They smile at each other, and the woodpecker guy cries in his seat.

"Do you take this bread to be your lawfully wedded wife?" the priest asks Tad, to which he replies, tears streaming down his face, "I do." The priest turns to the bread. "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" She doesn't answer. She never answers. But her response resonates with the entire room, felt by everyone in it.

They kiss.

Newlywed, the man and his bread go on a honeymoon to Los Angeles. But after just a few days, a problem develops on the bread's soft crust. "My dear, what is happening to you?" Tad asks his wife, but she gives no response, for she has no clue.

A few more days pass, and the issue grows worse. Tad becomes extremely worried, and takes her to the doctor. He examines her. "I'm sorry, sir, but there's nothing I can do for your wife. She's growing mold," the doctor confesses, solemnly.

Tad gasps, terrified. "Mold?!" "Yes, and it is fatal," the doctor says. Tad begins to cry. He holds his bread close. "I wished to spend the rest of my life with you. Now, that will never happen."

As if by a miracle, the bread answers. Tad can hear a sad smile in her words as she assures him, "I may not live until tomorrow, but you will live many more years. Spend them happy. Find new breads. Don't waste your life in grief over my passing."

Tad's sobbing increases, but he manages a small, hesitant nod. "If that is your last wish, then I will do everything to keep it."

Tad travels back to Gravity Falls to hold the funeral. The same people that had cried over their wedding hardly a week ago, now cry over the death of the bride.

Tad locks himself in the house. He didn't want to live without his one true love. But he remembers her last wish. And he goes on.


End file.
